Losing My Passion

Having recently received an email from a reader wondering where I was currently blogging, I realized it was probably about time to update The Deleted Scene.

While I wish I could say I was writing elsewhere and haven’t had time for my personal blog, the truth is I simply haven’t been writing. My interest in blogging as seriously as I did in the first few years may have diminished over time, but I still wanted to blog semi-regularly. As 2013 wore on, however, writing became impossible. Around July, I was hit with an episode of depression that lasted roughly five months.

Depression kept me from writing, or doing anything remotely creative. Not only could I not write, but I couldn’t watch films either. It robbed me of my main passion in life, film.

Barely able to concentrate on the screen, watching a film in a theatre became a miserable experience. And watching a film at home from start to finish was impossible, as I would watch the beginning of four or five films before giving up, and moving on to another distraction.

I became afraid to even try to watch any difficult, interesting or complex films that were released. I avoided almost any well-reviewed film, especially the films by my favourite filmmakers, as I feared I would be unable to enjoy them. As such, I missed out on most of the great films of 2013. 

The upside, if there was one, was that for the first time in my life I understood what it must be like for people who don’t share the same passion of film as I do. More importantly, I also understood what it meant to no longer be myself.

Of course, my depression did not only affect my ability to watch, make and write about film, it affected all aspects of my life. It was just for once in my life, film was no longer an escape for me. It was no longer the one sure thing I could turn to in a time of sadness, pain, boredom or joy. 

While I have recovered somewhat from that episode of depression, getting back to normal has been a long, difficult process. I have yet to even come close to catching up to all the great films I’ve missed over the year, and have been preoccupied with finishing my new one-hour long film, The Short Way Back. The good news is that I’ve started planning a new film project that I expect to be working on most of the year.

While shooting this film over a year will be a time-consuming process, it has several advantages. It will allow the film to be more natural, as well as it will help “depression-proof” the production. At least that’s my hope. My plan is to write about this project along the way, and provide regular updates on The Deleted Scene.

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One Response to Losing My Passion

  1. Thanks for the post. I’ve been going thru something similar most of 2013 and am just now starting to come out of it. It took so much effort to go to movies when it’s something I use to love and look forward to so much.

    Good luck on your future projects!

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